When Programmers Write

For those that don’t know, my daytime profession is a Programmer/Analyst.  I haven’t often mixed my daytime profession with my weekend and evening passion, but today I’m going to. 

Here are some programmer/writers talking to a potential agent about their upcoming works:

COBOL CICS:
For that information, you need to look at the glossary – um, here.  And just so you know, here are the maps, and the appendices.

LISP:
That’s what sets this apart: it’s like a normal thriller/mystery, but you start with the solution and work back to the problem.  People don’t really like to think, and this novel solves that – it almost thinks for them.

ALGOL:
I realize that you don’t fully comprehend the subject matter.  To be honest, we both kind of expected that.  Here, look at this phrasing, it’s like poetry.  This is Pulitzer winning material.

Pascal:
I think you missed the forth chapter, right after I defined all of the characters and locations.  See, here in chapter four I clearly layout the path that the entire story will take.

Java:
Loose ends?  No, there aren’t any.  That’s just garbage.  No one will pay attention to that – it just goes away.

RPG:
Do you ask these questions of your younger writers?  I’m too close to retirement to waste my time on things like this.

.NET:
The reader doesn’t need to be burdened with all that storyline.  Here is the story I want to present, and I will keep all this other source material with me.

Assembly:
I know I’m only using one and two syllable words, but I’m not sure the reader can comprehend much more than that at a time.

C++:
Yeah, it all links together.  You just have to make sure you read books from group A before reading books the books from group B.  Other than that, it doesn’t really matter what order you read them in.  Readers will make the appropriate associations.

Web:
I know.  I totally get what you are saying.  I thought it could be done in 13 chapters as well, but when I got into it I found that it needed to be 268 chapters.  Trust me, this is better.  And look, it was written in 42 separate languages.  It’s possible that no one will understand all of it, but they don’t need to.  It will reach millions!

Database:
You see, the appendices and footnotes tell the reader how all the stories are linked together.  This is too big for just the main series, so sometimes you will have to stop reading and jump over to this other novel to get the rest of the details.  This is really the most efficient way.  If you want, I could combine it all into one series, but it won’t be as streamlined.

Mainframe:
The reader doesn’t need to see everything.  This genre has been around for a while and the readers already have some expectations and background knowledge.  They don’t even want to see everything at this point.

Object Oriented:
No, that isn’t a stock character.  He’s derived from a stock character and then reused over and over throughout the series as if he is a stock character.

About R. Garrett Wilson

I am a member of the Stanislaus World Builders writing group and have participated in the FSFW writing group. I have written one drama that was based on the book of Mark and performed at my church in 2007. My story, Journeyer, is published in Analog Magazine and a novelette, The Bakrra Encounter, in the FSFW 2010 anthology, I Dreamed a Crooked Dream. I also took part in the community novel project, Stanislaus Reads and Writes, and have a chapter in their novel, Ashes in a Teardrop. Beyond writing, I enjoy road trips, photography, woodworking, watching tennis and cycling, and reading.
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2 Responses to When Programmers Write

  1. Mythran says:

    Nice.

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